OK …….. I am completely stunned .. tonight my parents, brother and sister-in-law threw a surprise birthday party for my big 40!!

Not only were my parents, brother and sister-in-law there, but both of my bosses with their spouses, my co-worker Susan and her husband, the Carters [whose twin girls have gained weight this week .. YAY], my former real estate agent and her daughter and son-in-law, my friend JENNY D, my other new friend Jennifer, and last but never least, THE PINK PRINCESS and her boyfriend SUPRAMAN!!

Yall, food was brought in from Ippolitos Italian Restaurant, AND AND AND a DJ!!!!!!!!  Yes, a DJ who played "Upside Down," "Vogue," and "Baby One More Time!!"  My brother put together this incredible "this is Paul's life" dvd, which ended with telling me my big "40" present …….. YALL, in two weeks I leave for a cruise to Puerto Rico!! 

I would have never thought of a cruise!  My brother has been planning this cruise with my Mom and bosses for over 10 months!  The reality of this has not set in.

In addition to the cruise, I got some GREAT gift, all with the "40" theme.  From the PRINCESS, I received 40 boxes of different Chinese treats [thank you PP, please know that I will eat each one].  From the Carters, I received an I-tunes gift certificate which you know I will use immediately.  I got Miss Ross' special edition cd of SURRENDER.  I received 40 cartons of Chocolate milk [ok, I do not drink alcohol, but I have an addition to chocolate milk]!

I felt so loved and blessed tonight.  I hope that everyone truly knew how much I appreciated their attending and celebrating my big day.

Oh, and the reason for Miss Ross's video of "I'm Coming Out?"  Because that is truly how I feel at this stage in my life!

Meanwhile, back at the Hall Of Justice …….. 

OK …….. I got an early birthday present!!!!  One of my brokers lives in Provo, UT.  Recently, I rushed out some quotes for the broker, and responded [jokingly] that she owed me.  Since the broker knew the 40 was approaching, she asked what I wanted.

So, I  sent her a picture of Mattel's Donnie and Marie dolls and their concert "playset."  Yall, I never though anything would happen, …….. but today, in a big box, arrived not only Donnie and Marie in their original outfits and shoes, but the D&M doll carrying case!!!!

Can you believe it????  AND, AND, the case had three extra costumes for both Donnie and Marie.  I had to show everyone in the office!

Now here is where the 50 foot Sissy makes his entrance …. I feel I work in a pretty cool place.  I mean last year, my boss gave me Roscoe for my birthday.  But have you ever gotten the impression that someone thought you were too gay? Or too black?  Or too white?  Or too whatever?  That was the type of feeling I received from a few people.  No words were said, nothing openly obvious, just a feeling of "turn the flame off before you burn down the building."

This insecurity bothered me most of the afternoon and evening.

I'm not the type of person to talk openly about the "sexual" aspects of being gay with someone, unless I know them VERY, VERY well.  I have been burned one time too many.  Therefore, I'm usually the pop culture/divas/movies/Miss Ross/whatever person.  And it not certainly something that I remind everyone about.  I mean Hello, it is sort of obvious.

But then there are times like today, over something that is really a joke and incredibly harmless.

I finally came to the conclusion that I gotta be myself.  When I try to act another way, it never works and I look even more like a fool.  Therefore, I am who I am .. "a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll!"

Meanwhile, back at the Hall Of Justice …….. 

First Roscoe wanted to say HI! 

OK …….. This past week has been an interesting mix of emotions.  Some funny and some strange.

First, I am very excited for my friends, CC & EC, who have just celebrated the one week birthday of their daughters.  Both girls are still in the hospital NICU unit, but appear to be getting stronger slowly.  The office threw a baby shower for the new parents, and they were excited about all the "baby loot."  Personally, I was amazed at how much CC knew about every baby item.  I'm doing good to just recognize a pacifier!

As some may or may not know I turn the big 40 one weekend from today [2/8].  This is a birthday that I am actually excited about.  

On Friday, PINK PRINCESS asked why this birthday was so important compared to the year before, etc.  I could only say that for some unknown reason [and hopefully it is good], I feel some changes or opportunities are heading my way.  I do not think they are changes that would affect my home or job, but mainly how I view myself.

When I think of my past 39 years, I'm reminded of two quotes .. one from PIPPIN's "Corner Of The Sky" ….. "I want my life to be something more than long."  …….. and Sean Penn as Harvey Milk's statement, "40 years old and I haven't done a thing."  I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I hope in the next year or so, to have some understanding as to why I am here, and what I need / could be doing with my life.  

One thing that I have thought about in regards to the big day is a party.  Now I know that making it well known that you actually want a party, might seem more than a little selfish.  But dammit, that is what I have done.  Why?  I have helped give birthday parties, I have given birthday parties by myself and I have certainly gone to my share of birthday parties.  But I have never had one for me.  And knowing my family's reluctance to actually plan out something, I began mentioning a party last year.

I understand from my brother that something is supposed to happen next weekend.  I am more than a little excited.